♥Relaxing ...

Thursday, May 1, 2003Y

Control, and I'm lack of it.

Yesterday I totally lost it. I'm just so sick of it. You see, to me my room is more than just a bedroom, its my place. A place where I can do whatever, whenever, witchever I like. Its a place of my own where I can be insane or be in any mood that I like. Its a place where my own friends can come and together we can still be who we are without being afraid that my parents or brothers watching behind us and critizing us. That's why I agree to have this room in the first place. It's the second smallest bedroom after the maid's room in my house, and the place is not a place where you can go and have a peace and quite time, coz its surrounded by kitchen, bathrooms and the dogs. But I made a deal with my Mom before we moved back in to this house that I'll take this room but I can decorate it my way and I can have whoever I choose and no more relatives visiting that'll endd up sleeping in my room (except Okke of course coz she'll kick me out of my own room if I don't let her in *_^) That's why I decorate it in such a way and have a sofabed instead of a real bed, to serve its purpose.

But now, for a few months since the restoration of the house began, i don't have my room for my own. I can handle it for a while coz my room was one of the only two rooms that 'safe' to be in. No dust, no strong smell of paint etc etc. and now the puppy. Granted for the last few days i was more tired than usual and the puppy just does not help a bit. by yesterday I was so sick of its tantrum, the smell and just everything that caused by the puppy that it made me angrier and angrier. And the fact that the puppy well being almost totally depended on me is driving me insane. I hate my brother for pulling this kind of stunt for the second time now (the first was a few years ago he bought an adult Labrador when we had no maid, but that time my Mom was here so I can ignore the bloody dog). I kept thinking where his brain is, does he have any sense at all? Buying a dog is not like buying a furniture where you can just put it down in the corner and leave. A dog is a leaving and breathing being, and a puppy needs the responsibility as if you're taking care your own baby.

Honestly, I don't know how long I can put up with this anymore, I'm just so sick of it and I'm so disgusted with the fact that most people in this family don't realized it, about the dog and me. Next week my Mum is coming back again, we'll see how I do then. But for now... don't be surprise if I yell ans swear a lot. Yup, the Ambonese part in me is coming strong... *_^

So yesterday I went off to Blok M Plaza by myself, the damnest day really. Got stuck in traffic on my way to BP and still on my way back home, the traffic was hell. Turned out Kp. Melayu was flooded!! Thank God both times the cab drivers were nice even though I didn't get Bluebird. so that's my blessing in disguise. Stayed at the mall for a few hours until my feet ache but finally got a birthday gift for my buddy Aray. Bought a shirt for myself and 2 more japanese CDs. Gackt' Moon and Ken Hirai' Life is.. Love them both, the music in Gackt was owesome and Ken's just a wonderful wonderful r&b, love it more than his previous album Gaining through Losing

Well, now that I've vent... I'm gonna watch my fave magician David Blaine. Amazing guy...
and I can't wait to see the Fiji Eco Challenge... always thought its a crazt competition coz its so tough and rough and damn hard and so real. turned out this time some "interesting" people join in the race. My fave Survivor winner, Ethan Zohn, and another Survivor's which at the moment I forgot her name, also enter the competition, and... the person surprise me the most..the young Darth Veddar himself, Hayden Christansen!!! very intersting.
welp, goodnite beautiful people...

ends at 5/01/2003 11:31:00 PM