bleak

i have no idea what can i write down here without being too emotional or sad or reveiling too much... all i feel now is that my mind is in a jumble, i worried like hell and feel like burst up in tears any seconds.

can i hate some more? can i be more understanable or patient with those two people? i sincerely don't know. all i know is that although i know its not good to feel this way, and i realize the word "HATE" is such a strong strong word to use on a fellow human being... i can't help to feel that i do resent them so much, i hate her so very much, and i hate them both for making me feel this way. i don't know what else to think or feel now. nasi sudah menjadi bubur, people said.

Lord, i know that You know that i haven't been the best of a child in front of You and my own parents. I'm so so sorry. But if You allowed me to beg for one thing in my life, as sin that i am, will you please please please.... takes care of my parents? Please give them the extra strength and health and peace of mind that they will need from now on and the rest of their life. Please please please don't take them away like this... i just can't bare it and i don't think i will ever forgive them for doing this to our parents. Please God.. hear my plead...
amien.


I'm the kind of person who depends so much on my circle of friends, my best friends mean everything to me. but this time, i don't think i can share my family problems with you.. gomen ne minna.. at least not yet. please pray for me and my parent and my family okay, hopefully my family and i will get through this and stay as a family.

i think i better stop now, coz crying in a public cyber cafe is just a no no.. ^__^

i don't know when i'm able to come to MPA again.. hopefelly not long since this is my asylum from my crazy life, but till then.. minna take care.. i love you all and so sorry if and when i'm not a good friend to you.

and I don't know if i'll be strong enough to answer/pick up any incoming SMS or phone.. hounto gomenasai.. [gomen Ki-cihan...] and thank you all.
Jya, hopefully see you soon..