7 Days...

jadi kayak judul lagu nya craig tapi sebenarnya hari ini 7 hari udah gue spent my days without my beloved pet,my child.. Lady. baru hari ini juga berani buka email & blog and seperti yg gue kira, banyak condolences meseji.. gue udah mau nangis lagi baca nya.. but doumo arigato minna.. for all of your kind words & support.. thank you for all your tag, email, sms, phone call.. really means a lot ^__^ *hugs*

most of the advices that i got was to be brave and don't think too much of Lady that now she's in peace.. but the hardest thing is.. most of the time, gue nggak intentionally thinking of her day & night, but my daily life with Lady and especially at home & in my room, every little thing that i did pasti involve Lady in some way.. Such as, a simple sitting on the floor and a moment later Lady would come and sat by me or on my lap. Coming out of the shower, Lady would come & greet me. She would follow me everywhere while I'm in the house.. and now.. I just feel.. at lost.

Going down stairs in the morning.. it felt very odd that now I don't have to carry her down too. Going off to work.. I don't how to give her a hug & a kiss bye bye anymore. Coming home.. no more of that special bark & that two huge eyes greeting me again.. My house is now literally so much quiter.

All this daily habits of taking care of her, and loving her, and playing, eating, sleeping or just sharing a hug with her.. its so VERY HARD to brake. I still cry every now and again, and what making it even harder is.. usually when I cry over something.. I would have Lady to hug to and her big eyes would brought up a smile to my face. But now.. my arms are empty. And everyday there's still this feeling of blank-ness that I carry & still can't shake off.

Today.. marked the 7 days ago that Lady passed away. And me, I felt like that morning happened a long long time ago, but everytime I'm in my room & in the house, the pain reminds me that it's only a week ago, and that I still have a long long days to pass before hopefully I can think of her and not choke up inside.

My brother called me last night, saying that after getting Kyoko the new puppy vaccinated, she'll be ready for me to get her [he doesn't know it yet that i've changed the puppy's name]. But right now, my feeling is.. I don't want to take care of another dog. I don't have the strength to go through this again.. it's overwhelming me.

I guess when I realized long time ago that Lady needed me in her everyday life, I've never realize that I've become dependent to her just as much..
atashi...ganbaru.


Here's the pic taken 7 days ago by my brother..


doesn't she looked like she's just sleeping..





her casket.. i buried her fave pink pillow & blanket with her.